Marriage doesn't complete me
As women, we’re sold the lie that marriage will complete us.
As little girls, we read stories and watch Disney movies about finding our prince charming who saves us from our distress. As young women, we watch movies like Pretty Woman, The Notebook and Love Actually. And who could forget that famous scene from Jerry Maguire where Jerry confesses his love to Dorothy in front of a room of women, exclaiming “you complete me!” (Cue the tears…)
Naturally we dream about our future husband and the life we will have together.
I used to dream about my future husband. Who didn’t? I wondered what he was like, where in the world he lived and when I would meet him. And as a dear friend of mine likes to remind me every now and then, I broke down after high school one day exclaiming “We might just never meet someone, you know!” (Not my finest moment, to say the least, haha!).
Well, it turns out I’d already met him. My husband, Brad, went to my high school, and we’d become friends (well, probably more like acquaintances). He was a couple grades above me and I knew him as ‘that really funny guy in year 12.’
But it wasn’t until we found ourselves attending the same church after school that we got to know each other. Honestly, we just started out as friends, but over time, I realised that he was my dream guy. Brad has gorgeous dark brown hair, a generous heart, the sweetest voice, and he’s absolutely hilarious.
We married two-and-a-half years later, and have been married for nearly four years since! But here’s the thing…
While my husband means the world to me, he doesn’t complete me.
And I never expected him to either. When we said “I definitely do” (yup, he added that one in), we came together as two completely whole people ready to start a life together. We understood that we each had our flaws and that we each had areas we needed to grow in. Neither of us were perfect people then, and neither of us is the perfect spouse today. And as imperfect people, we can’t complete each other. You see, we aren’t created to do life alone. But we aren’t created as one half that can only be made whole by another person either.
We can only be made complete by Jesus.
Jesus died on the cross and rose again so that we could be saved and made whole in Him. Because we’re each made complete by Jesus, we can come together as two whole people. As two whole people, we aren’t trying to take something from the other but we can give to each other from our wholeness.
Our relationship with Jesus is the glue that keeps our marriage strong.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
- Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV)
My husband and I are two imperfect people - but two imperfect people who have individually found wholeness in Jesus. And when Jesus is at the centre of our marriage, our marriage is strong.
So if you’re single and looking for a guy to satisfy, or if you’re engaged and wondering if this guy is going to complete you, or if you’re married and wondering why it doesn’t feel like he’s your ‘other half’, stop right there. You will never be fully satisfied by another person. You will only find true satisfaction in Jesus. So draw near to God, because he promises to draw near to you. (See James 4:8)
Focus on becoming a whole you so you can enter a relationship or give to your marriage out of your wholeness.
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